Source: Out In London
I've worked at Notting Hill Carnival and been going regularly for many years. Every single time, I watch the same stories unfold. Someone absolutely wasted, sitting on the side of the street. People crying because their feet are destroyed in the wrong shoes. Groups getting separated because they thought 'by the sound system' was a meeting point.
You don't have to be one of these stories. These aren't just suggestions, they're commandments. Break them at your own peril.
I. Thou shalt arrive before the masses descend
Get there by 10am, seriously. At that time you can actually walk down Portobello Road without getting stuck behind a human traffic jam. By 3pm, it's basically a loud, sweaty outdoor nightclub where you spend more time queuing than dancing.
II. Thou shalt not trust thy phone signal
Meet at a Tube station, not "by the sound system” or “ Tesco”. Your signal will die faster than your battery, and "I'm near the reggae float" means absolutely nothing when there are twelve of them. Pick a specific exit at Ladbroke Grove or Notting Hill Gate. Write it on your arm if you have to.
III. Honour thy feet with proper footwear
I once saw a girl in flip-flops at midday, crying because her feet were so cut up she couldn't walk. You're going to trek through puddles of mystery liquid, step on broken glass, and maybe walk more than you've walked all summer. Wear comfortable trainers you can throw away afterwards.
IV. Thou shalt worship cash above all plastic
Yes, most stalls take card now. Bring cash anyway. It's faster, half of them round everything up to the nearest fiver anyway and when you're dying for water and the only stall has a "CASH ONLY!" sign taped to a broken card reader, you'll thank me. Keep it to small notes and coins. The toilets don't take Apple Pay, and some locals charge a fiver to use theirs. It's cheeky, but when you're desperate, it's worth every penny.
V. Thou shalt come prepared for bodily functions
Bring wipes and your own loo roll. The public toilets are... let's just say they've seen better days. The paid ones charge three quid ( or more) for the privilege of using slightly less grim facilities. Locals sometimes let you use theirs for a fee, but don't bank on toilet paper being included in the deal. Be self-sufficient or suffer the consequences.
VI. Thou shalt not bear false bags upon thy back
Ditch the backpack. I don't care how convenient it seems, pickpockets love nothing more than someone with a bag they can't see. Get a cross-body bag or bumbag and keep it zipped and in front of you.
VII. Thou shalt not covet precious possessions
Don't bring anything you'd genuinely cry about losing. Your brand new AirPods, that ring your gran gave you, your good sunglasses, leave them at home. Carnival is beautiful chaos, emphasis on chaos. Things get dropped, stolen, or trampled. Bring the backup phone charger, not your only one.
VIII. Thou shalt seek refuge in the promised side streets
Duck into side streets when it gets mental. Westway and the main routes turn into human sardine tins, but the residential streets parallel to the action are your lifeline. Better food stalls, actual space to breathe, and you can still hear the music. Plus, locals often set up their own little parties that are sometimes better than the main event.
IX. Thou shalt not chase false idols (or floats)
Don't try to follow your favourite sound system around like a groupie. You'll end up stuck in a crowd that's not moving, sweating your life away, missing the actual good bits. Pick a spot with good vibes and let the parade come to you.
X. Thou shalt know when to make thy exodus
Leave before the last song. I know, I know, you want to soak up every minute. But that magical 5-6pm ( or even earlier) exit means you'll glide home while everyone else is still queuing just to get down the tube station stairs. You can always go to an after party later somewhere but you can't undo three hours stuck underground with 10,000 sweaty strangers.
The Sacred Truths (Things No One Tells You)
You will get separated from your friends. It's not if, it's when. Have a plan that doesn't involve "we'll just find each other."
If the sun is out you may overheat, get overwhelmed, or both. When it happens, make sure your SPF is on, find some shade, and get some coconut water in ya.
Rum and coke beats beer every time. Beer just means more desperate toilet searches. Rum keeps you dancing and the queues are usually shorter.
When the crowd gets aggressive, move. Usually Carnival is all love and good vibes, but when 100,000 people are drinking in 30-degree heat, tempers can flare. If you see a circle forming or voices getting heated, think twice before getting caught in someone else's drama.
Follow these commandments, stay flexible, and remember you're there to feel the vibes and be part of something special. Yeah sure, your feet may hurt, you may lose your voice from singing along, but you'll probably have the best day you've had in ages.